4 times the Batman Arkham Knight Riddler challenges broke me

Written by Jacob Murray

Before we dive into this, I should disclose that as a gamer I’m a bit rusty. Having recently acquired a Playstation 4, I jumped back into the fire with Batman: Arkham Knight, and was loving every minute. By the end of the story I was sitting at 84% completion for the game, but my daddy always told me to give 110%, so at best doing everything in a video game will still leave me feeling dissatisfied. And then I met the Riddler Challenges…

The following is a short list of hunting trophies and clues that nearly made me rip the joysticks out of my controller using only my eye socket.


1. WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

This one simply proved I’m an imbecile. In this puzzle you need to get the colors in the right order. The trick is deciphering the order. I’d be lying if I didn’t fess up to having randomly thrown batarangs and every other gadget at these for 12 minutes. I eventually figured out that using Batman’s detective vision and you know, looking around the room, would lead me to the key – but not without three extra gray hairs on my head.

2. THIS AGGRAVATING NONSENSE

I still have not been able to complete this one. I must be missing something. The question marks light up. Shoot the question marks quickly before the light goes off. Right? That’s all it could be? RIGHT? A hardy demerit against my quickly fading video game skills. Every few days I go back and I try. And I try. And try and try and try and get almost there and at the last round of shooting at these low-life, dirty, miserable, taunting question marks I fail. And then the crying begins. And my fiancé laughs. And I cry some more.

3. THIS BOGUS RIDDLE

Fortunately I was pretty good about locating the answers to several of the straight forward riddles in this game. Unfortunately, I refuse to look up solutions online to problems that vex me. That’s cheating and cheating is for losers who only care about winning. I want to figure things out myself, and usually I do. But I can’t figure this out. I’ve looked over the two rooms where this riddle appears several times. I’ve taken snapshots of every cubic foot. This is the closest I’ve come.

If a solution is partially detected, then something in this frame is allegedly part of the answer. How can this possibly be an answer? The riddle insists I need to use my head, and finally I did. I only need to put my skull through the wall a few more times and I’ll finally have the open floor plan I’ve always wanted.

4. THE CRUSH-MY-SOUL-INATOR

Some of the Riddler challenges are races laden with traps and pitfalls. I hate traps. I hate pitfalls. I hate races even more. Why? Just… watch.

Suffice to say, I will not be completing the Riddler portion of Arkham Knight. My head, motor skills and sanity are not up to the task, and my iPhone can’t take another impromptu trip across the room. The Riddler beat me, and while that isn’t very Batman-y, at least I’m back to playing video games. I’ll take that as a net positive, considering I enjoyed the game enough to order the Prime 1 Arkham Knight Batman Statue. Now I only need to hope that whatever game I am playing when it arrives doesn’t cause me accidentally destroy it in a fit of gamer rage.

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