The Funniest Quotes from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

The Guardians of the Galaxy are infamous for two things: awesome music and hilarious quotes. Well, also for being Marvel’s oddest group of misfit desperados this side of Knowhere. The evidence speaks for itself.

In Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, the team’s latest MCU adventure, Peter Quill’s motley crew delivers some instant-classic zingers. Here are the funniest quotes from Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3.

“I got emotional-istical issues, what am I gonna do?” – Rocket

As the movie opens, we start off with a classic James Gunn playlist. The song “Creep” by Radiohead plays in the background and we see the team going about their usual routine. Though the Guardians keep getting stronger, Peter Quill seems to be drowning in a river of grief … and beer. His team wants to help him, but what’s Rocket going to do? He’s got emotional-istical issues!

“You’re a bad dog!” – Kraglin

Kraglin inherited Yondu’s yaka arrow. With just a whistle, Kraglin has the ability to make the arrow fly around and hit its target. Well, sort 0f — having the ability and having the skill are just a touch different. When Cosmo the Spacedog has better control of her telepathy, Kraglin can’t help but be a little sour.

“I am Groot.” – Groot

Groot really does have the best sense of humor. Ha! This one cracked us up. Guess you had to be there.

“Kill one guy who no one loves.” – Drax

Rocket’s pretty hurt, and the Guardians of the Galaxy are ready to help him. They’ve got to break into a super secure facility, and Drax is ready to kill anyone who gets in their way! When Star-Lord reminds him that the Guardians don’t kill, Drax tries to negotiate. Maybe he won’t kill everyone but how about just one guy who no one loves? “Now you’re just making it sad,” says Star-Lord.

“I was stabbed, you extraordinary phallus!” – Adam Warlock

The High Evolutionary has high expectations. And when Adam Warlock isn’t able to retrieve Rocket right away, the super-villain is very frustrated. But Adam’s pretty frustrated that no one seems to notice that he’s been hurt! He’s been stabbed, after all! Shouldn’t mummy be helping him?

“We were hoping it would stop on its own.” – Nebula

Star-Lord and Gamora have reunited, but not in the way that Star-Lord was hoping for. After all, Star-Lord fell in love with an alternate future version of Gamora. Still, he’s hoping to have a private moment and share his love once more. Of course, that doesn’t work because absolutely everyone can hear his pitiful speech over their shared intercoms. Like Nebula, we were just hoping it would stop on its own.

“Are we pretending to be angry again? Mantis, you ***hole!” – Drax

When the Guardians break into the facility, they just act natural. They pretend that they’re part of an engineering crew. Of course, Drax doesn’t pick up on every social cue. When the team gets angry again, he’s excited to play the game once more even if it’s at Mantis’ expense.

“We’re all just making stuff up that he’s saying, right?” – Gamora

Part of being a Guardian is faking it til you (sort of) make it, but the new Gamora finally asks what we’ve all been thinking: Does anybody really understand Groot? Our answer does finally arrive at the end of the film, but in the meantime, Gamora’s translation frustration is certainly understandable.

“My name’s Patrick Swayze.” – Star-Lord

Star-Lord is classically charming. He’s been around the galaxy once or twice, and he knows how to woo like no other. Well. Maybe one other. Maybe Patrick Swayze is a little more charming.

“Open the f***ing door.” – Star-Lord

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 drops the very first f-bomb in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And it makes sense. You’d be pretty frustrated too. After all, Nebula can use nanotech to pilot an entire spaceship, but can’t even open a car door? Come on! Open the door!

*Monkey Noises* – Drax

We don’t know what’s funnier: the fact that Drax completely understood the children’s language and didn’t talk with them, or just these monkey noises. They were pretty terrible monkey noises! But they made the kids laugh, and they made us laugh too.

“Screw you! You stretch-faced, RoboCop lookin’, purple-nurple piece of-” – Star-Lord

Star-Lord has a certain way with words. Not necessarily a good way, but a way nonetheless. When he insults the High Evolutionary, he pulls out all the stops, from classic pop culture references like RoboCop and Skeletor to a tried-and-true elementary school jeer. Maybe the funniest bit was how bad of an insult it really was.

“Howdy there, you freakin’ creep.” – Kraglin

Kraglin pilots Knowhere itself all the way to the High Evolutionary’s spaceship. Then, Kraglin gives him a warm welcome. And hey! Is this a reference to the opening song? Kraglin, you’ve still got it.

“Did that look cool?” – Star-Lord

From Groot landing the spaceship inside the Orgocorp station to Star-Lord nearly losing his life trying to save his Zune, multiple members of the team ask if they look cool. And the truth is? They do. They also look a bit ridiculous. But doesn’t that just make them a bit cooler?

When did you laugh out loud during Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3? Share with other Marvel fans on Sideshow Social Network or in our Let Your Spoiler Sideshow: MCU Phase Five Facebook Group, and don’t forget to Let Your Geek Sideshow!