The Funniest, Most Unhinged Quotes from the Barbie Movie

Hi Barbie! (…Say it back.) Greta Gerwig’s Barbie is a certified hit. In its opening weekend, Barbie earned $162 million at North American theaters, surpassing first-weekend records for a film directed by a woman, previously held by Captain Marvel (co-directed by Anna Boden) and Wonder Woman (directed by Patty Jenkins). Let’s go Barbie!

At its core, Barbie is a film that speaks to all different types of people — which is itself the timeless beauty of Barbie. However, throughout the film, there are some truly unhinged quotes from the whole cast. Time to break out the choreo and put on your pinkest pink. Here are the top 10 funniest, strangest, and most off-the-rails Barbie quotes!

Warning: Spoilers ahead for Barbie!

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“Thanks to Barbie, all problems of feminism and equal rights have been solved!” – The Narrator

Pretty, intelligent, never sad, and KOOL! Barbie’s powerful influence has solved all the issues affecting her fans … or so she thinks. As residents of the Real World, when we hear Barbie’s bright and confident optimism, we can’t help but laugh through the pain. Somebody turn up the Dua Lipa, please.

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“I’ll beach off with you any day, Ken.” – Ken

Hold his ice cream, Ken. That sounds like a challenge. Right off the bat, Beach Ken is a little sensitive about his place in Barbie Land. After all, he only shines when Barbie pays attention to him. This scene perfectly captures Beach Ken’s fragile position in the hierarchy of Barbie Land. At some point or another, we’ve all felt a little Ken. Nothing a good beach-off can’t fix!

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“Do you guys ever think about dying?” – Barbie

So, remember when Lizzo said, “never sad?” Well, never say never. Right in the middle of a fabulously choreographed party at her Dreamhouse, Barbie is struck by that ever-present existential dilemma: death. Hey, we get it, Barbie. You’re enjoying a carefree night out with the best of friends when suddenly it hits you. Reality is rough. As the music comes to a screeching halt, Barbie rushes to assure everybody she’s only just dying to dance.

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“You’re gonna start getting sad and mushy and complicated.” – Weird Barbie

Weird Barbie is the outcast of Barbie Land, but it’s hard not to agree with everything she says. Like, be honest: Is there a more accurate way to describe aging than the process of becoming sadder, mushier, and more complicated? This Barbie woke up and chose truth today. Even when life is plastic and fantastic, the mush is always right around the corner.

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“Bon Voyage to Reality and Good Luck Restoring the Membrane that Separates Our World from theirs so you don’t get Cellulite!” – Barbies

Honestly, ladies, a simple “Bon Voyage” would have been just fine. When Barbie decides to journey to the Real World and uncover her malfunction, her friends throw her a going-away party. Their goodbye banner is a wonderful run-on-sentence of a mess that wishes Barbie luck and reminds her of the dire fate awaiting her should she fail. So like, no pressure, Barbs.

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“Note to the filmmakers: Margot Robbie is the wrong person to cast to make this point.” – The Narrator

It’s not easy to create a movie that is both meta, light-hearted, and effortlessly clever, but Barbie manages to do it. (Barbie can do anything, duh.) As Gloria and Barbie grapple with society’s expectations, Helen Mirren’s narration gives a brief moment of levity to their important dialogue. And Dame Mirren isn’t wrong — if only we all looked as nice while sobbing as Margot Robbie does.

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“It’s like being in a dream where I’ve somehow been really invested in the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League.” – Writer Barbie

Barbie keeps the meta thing going with this playful jab at an endlessly dedicated section of DC fans, made all the better since it’s coming from a movie starring Harley Quinn herself. After Barbie and Gloria figure out how to get the Barbies back to their true selves, Writer Barbie explains how it felt to be under the Kens’ influence. Plus, for another layer of meta, Writer Barbie is played by Alexandra Shipp, who portrayed Storm in X-Men: Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix.

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“Are you watching The Godfather?” – President Barbie

As the Barbies execute their plan to take back Barbie Land, a crucial step is distracting the Kens. Their solution? Trick them into feeling like the Barbies need them, using tactics like asking a Ken to explain The Godfah-ther (mispronunciation is key). President Barbie flawlessly carries out the mission when she asks, “Can you start it over and talk over the whole thing as you explain it to me?”

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“To be honest, when I found out patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I lost interest anyway.” – Ken

Sweet, simple Ken. Even the CEOs of Mattel acknowledge that they’re not worried about Ken at all. But one trip to Century City, a central point of commerce in Los Angeles, opens Ken’s eyes to the idea of patriarchy. It’s worth quite a few laughs to watch Ken’s interpretation of patriarchy unfold, from Rocky-inspired aesthetics to brewskis, cowboys, and a whole lot of horses. In fact, not enough horses, according to Ken.

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“Baby I am Mattel … until the IRS got me. But that’s another movie.” – Ruth Handler

From her first appearance in a small, unassuming kitchen office, Barbie’s creator Ruth Handler establishes herself as the spirit of the film (figuratively and literally). She helps Barbie see that Barbie can be anyone she wants to be. We’re never stuck in one fixed role because the things we think we are can always change. Just watch out for the IRS. Everybody’s gotta pay taxes, Barbie.

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Did we miss your favorite Barbie quote? As Barbie says, “Don’t blame me, blame Mattel! They make the rules.”

We’d love to hear your favorite quotes and who your Barbie Land persona would be. Join the conversation with other Barbies and Kens over at Sideshow Social Network or at side.show/geekgroup, and don’t forget to Let Your Pink Sideshow!