Putting the Fun in Funeral: 13 Wednesday Addams Quotes

Break out the old Nevermore welcome mat! Season 2 of Netflix’s Wednesday has returned, and we missed our creepy queen. She’s a master at deadpan delivery (emphasis on the dead). Nobody mutters a macabre one-liner quite like Wednesday Addams.

Since 1964, Wednesday Addams has been bringing the ooky spooky to screens big and small. Lisa Loring first portrayed the Addams’ daughter in the 1960s sitcom, but the character really came into the pop culture spotlight with Christina Ricci in The Addams Family (1991) and Addams Family Values (1993). Then, in 2022, modern final girl Jenna Ortega put her own spin on it in Netflix’s Wednesday, produced by Tim Burton.

To prepare for Wednesday season 2, we’ve dug up Wednesday’s best live-action quotes, fresh from the Addams mausoleum.

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Wednesday Quotes from The Addams Family (1991)

“I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.”

In need of a last-minute costume? Take a page out of Wednesday’s book and dress like you would for any other day. Nobody knows there could be a killer lurking underneath. Until it’s too late.

“Are they made from real Girl Scouts?”

The Addams Family truly thrives when they terrorize the normies around them. And speaking of the mundane, Wednesday met her eternal nemesis in the form of a perky Girl Scout who walked up to her lemonade stand. Fortunately, Wednesday and her brother Pugsley displayed their unique business acumen and drove a hard bargain. Organic never tasted so bitter.

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Wednesday Quotes from Addams Family Values (1993)

“Hello, Polly. I’ll clean my room — in exchange for your immortal soul.”

A new addition to the Addams children lineup caused quite a stir. But Wednesday’s biting comebacks knew just how to keep potential nannies on their toes — especially those who were armed with cute, cuddly puppets. Some people sure are sick.

“Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

Upon meeting Debbie Jallinsky, Wednesday’s mother Morticia prompted her to say hello to the new nanny. Wednesday replied with a famous line from body horror classic The Fly. We love a spooky cinephile.

“And the next morning, when the campers woke up, all of their old noses had grown back.”

When Wednesday and Pugsley were sent off to summer camp, they had to contend with cheerful children and incessant sunshine. It was a nightmare. Luckily, Wednesday got a chance to display her talents during a ghost story session. She preyed upon her fellow campers’ vapid fears — those screams were definitely heard for miles.

“You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. … The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, ‘Do not trust the Pilgrims. Especially Sarah Miller.’”

While the use of Native regalia as a costume isn’t something Wednesday would approve of, her pro-Indigenous speech during the summer camp play is definitely worth noting. With little effort, she brought the classist counselors’ horrific play crashing down in a righteous blaze against colonization and capitalism. Brava! Plus, the Netflix series continues this truth when Wednesday pointed out the exploitation of cacao harvesting, as well as the Pilgrims’ harmful presence on stolen land.

“I’m not perky.”

Wednesday’s old enemy, the Girl Scout, returned in the form of Amanda Buckman, a blonde antithesis to Wednesday Addams. Though her attempt to escape summer camp was thwarted, Wednesday fit in one last scare. She horrified the entire camp with a slow, crawling smile that would give any serial killer goosebumps. Plus, “I’m not perky” is the ultimate goth one-liner. That’s for damn sure.

“She wasn’t sick. She was sloppy.”

At the end of the day, Wednesday didn’t really begrudge Debbie’s plot to swindle Uncle Fester. She just had some notes on how the Black Widow could have done better. Work smarter, not harder.

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Netflix’s Wednesday Best Quotes

“I suggest we wait for a more special occasion … like a funeral.”

You can’t say the Addams Family isn’t festive. They just like to celebrate the spookier side of things — but they do it oh so well. Besides, black is always in season.

“I act as if I don’t care if people dislike me. Deep down, I secretly enjoy it.”

Here’s one to uplift you on your darkest days. There’s powerful strength to be found in the ire of others. Perhaps they’re envious of your or maybe they just feel inferior about themselves. Ignore the haters — but better yet, let them fuel your pyromaniac urges … Who said that?

“They couldn’t even spring for real pig’s blood. It’s only paint.”

“When the sun goes down and the moon comes up…” After Wednesday slayed the dance floor with her own viral dance to The Cramps song “Goo Goo Muck,” there was no denying that this Addams inherited her parents’ dancing skills. Plus, when things got a little messy at Nevermore Academy’s Rave’N, you can bet Wednesday took the opportunity to make a Carrie reference.

“If he breaks your heart, I’ll nail gun his.”

Though they often clash, roommates Wednesday and Enid Sinclair are a dynamic duo. Wednesday might be repulsed by Enid’s bright colors and brighter personality, but she would still do anything for her best friend. And that includes brutal maiming.

“If you hear me scream bloody murder, there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.”

Wednesday’s idea of a good time is often a far cry from anyone else, but she doesn’t let that stop her. Who else could play a haunting cello solo next to a raging inferno? Only an Addams.

“I don’t bury hatchets. I sharpen them.”

Even in the face of corrupt authority, Wednesday doesn’t back down. In fact, her threats only get more poignant. The next time someone gets in your way or challenges what you know to be right, sharpen that hatchet. Make Wednesday proud.

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She’s a scream queen like no other. What are your favorite Wednesday quotes?

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