Bad to the ‘Bo: Lobo’s Strangest Adventures in DC Comics
Some men aren’t defined by their origins, but rather by their acts. Oddly enough, Lobo’s origin is one of his acts. He hails from the planet Czarnia, a utopian planet that was purely peaceful for thousands of years. There were no wars, no crimes, no problems at all. Not until he arrived.
Lobo showed up with a bang — or more accurately, a bite! He chomped down on a nurse’s fingers and drove her insane. And that’s only in a minute’s work!
Saddle up, bastiches, as we recount the Main Man’s strangest exploits, escapades, and adventures through the galaxy.
Killed Every Other Czarnian
By the time he was 16, Lobo released a plague that killed half the population of his home planet. It took the wretched child until he was 17 to kill all the Czarnians. How did he do it? By releasing a horde of flying scorpions.
Ultimately, he’s a mastermind who was able to genetically engineer a lethal pathogen and legion of beasts to which only he was immune. And all before he was 18!
Became A Mercenary
Life marched on, and eventually Lobo became a contracted killer. An assassin! A mercenary for hire. And a downright good one.
He is known throughout the universe for never breaking his word. If there’s a job to be done, he’ll do it, so long as it pays well. He lives a life of luxury making sure he has every accessory and everything he wants or needs.
Adopted Some Space Dolphins
But what does Lobo want? What does he need? Well, defining what he wants is like asking what a natural disaster wants. Lobo is simply a storm, and he likes it that way. That said, he does need to feed his pets. And he does have pets. Lovable and adorable Space Dolphins.
Yeah, they’re exactly what they sound like. Lobo doesn’t care about anything or anyone in this world except for Space Dolphins. There’s something peaceful about them that soothes this savage beast.
Didn’t Fight Aquaman
Lobo has made some particularly strange decisions purely out of his love and respect for the semi-aquatic, intergalactic, hyper-intelligent, telepathic beings known as Space Dolphins. Despite his constant desire to kill, squash, murder, defeat, and plunder, Lobo refused to fight Aquaman.
What does that have to do with dolphins, you ask? Well, Lobo was lead to believe that Aquaman was raised by a dolphin named Porm. And anyone good enough for Porm was good enough for Lobo.
Became an Archbishop in the First Celestial Church of the Triple Fish-God
Even though Lobo is anything but good, he’s been good for dolphins. He even swore to be a pacifist for a short time on their behalf. In a very peculiar set of events, Lobo actually became an Archbishop in the First Celestial Church of the Triple Fish-God. Try saying that five times fast.
It was all for the love of his dolphins. He vowed to be a pacifist in order to hold in station within the church. And as always, Lobo never breaks his word … unless he can find a loophole in some agreement.
Killed The Fish-God
He went on a pilgrimage for the Fish-God to acquire the Emerald Eye of Ekron, which then freed him from his bond as the Archbishop, meaning that he wouldn’t need to be a pacifist any longer. And his first act? Kill the Fish-God.
That’s right, killing gods is all in a day’s work for the Main Man. His profession has taken him across the galaxy and had him working against and alongside some of the strangest and strongest characters we know and love.
Got a Red Lantern Ring
For one gig, he was hired to find and kill the leader of the Red Lantern Corps, Atrocitus. Atrocitus reached out to the other Lantern Corps for protection: Hal Jordan, Thaal Sinestro, and Carol Ferris came wielding the light of the Green Lanterns, Yellow Lanterns, and Violet Lanterns respectively. After a short fight, Lobo left.
I know what you’re thinking. “I thought Lobo never bailed on a contract!” You’re right. He doesn’t. And he didn’t.
He was hired by Atrocitus himself just so that he could have a reason to reach out to the other Lanterns for help. In exchange, Lobo was gifted a Red Lantern ring.
Escorted His Fourth Grade Teacher
In another gig, Lobo was hired to escort his his fourth grade teacher Miss Tribb practically to the other side of the galaxy. The entire trip, she caused trouble and made it more difficult for him to transport her. And the entire time, he was livid!
Remember, he very specifically tried to kill the entirety of his planet. He intended to be the last Czarnian. So after the Main Man kept his word and delivered her safely across the galaxy, he collected his money, and promptly killed her.
Joined The Justice League and The Suicide Squad
Lobo’s got a strange power set that even allows him to regenerate from just a pool of blood. And in turn, that effectively makes him capable of making multiple clones of himself if he so desires. But then again, he doesn’t exactly want more Czarnians around.
Got Banned from Heaven and Hell
Lobo’s adventures have taken him up and down and all around. And when I say up and down, I quite literally mean to both Heaven and Hell.
But Lobo had too much fun being tortured in Hell, which caused a riot. So he fought with Death, and slaughtered all the demons of Hell, and even made his way through all the angels in Heaven.
Ultimately, he was banned from both Heaven and Hell, so he is effectively immortal. Even if he does die, he can regenerate. And even if he loses every drop of blood somehow, he can possess other bodies and make them his own.
Frankly, there are too many strange Lobo adventures to tell them all. The Main Man continues to bewilder, like being contracted by the Easter Bunny to kill Santa Claus, and much much more. If you’re looking to hire a contract killer for your DC Comics collection, be sure to check out Sideshow’s full offering of Lobo collectibles.
What’s your favorite Lobo moment? Keep the conversation going over at side.show/geekgroup, and don’t forget to Let Your Geek Sideshow!